Introducing a New Dog. Kelly and Brooks Update

If you're like me, you look at that cute dog you see on the street or in the park, and even looking up dogs on Petfinder, dreaming about adding "just one more" dog to your family. But then...what about your resident dog? The one you love and pamper and take to the park, and have all that time together just the two of you? Will she welcome a playmate...or be jealous forever?

We struggled with this decision, and added 11 year old golden retriever Brooks to our family 3 months ago. We wanted to help save another dog, and we thought Kelly might enjoy a playmate. The transition hasn't been completely easy. At times I thought she'd never accept another dog. But now, at last, they are becoming friends.

Originally we had to keep them separate whenever we couldn't supervise them. Kelly barked and tussled whenever we gave Brooks attention, fed him, tried to give him a toy, or whenever he tried to enter our bedroom (which is also Kelly's bedroom). Now things are peaceful and happy! Here is how long it took to make some progress:

4 weeks- We kept Brooks on his nice comfy bed in the kitchen at night, but after 4 weeks we are finally able to let him sleep on a doggy bed alongside our bed. This was a huge step, as we never wanted him to feel separated from the family.  Kelly sleeps on a doggy bed on the opposite side of the bed. (It's a small bedroom, so walking space is tight, especially if anyone has to get up in the middle of the night!)

5 weeks- Brooks and Kelly could now eat in the same room. We still have to be vigilant, and keep the food dishes apart physically, but I no longer have to feed them separated by a closed door! Kelly occasionally tries to "help" Brooks with his dinner, but she no longer feels the need to  run up barking and push him away.

6 weeks- Play with toys. Toys remain the biggest problem still. Kelly is still extremely upset for Brooks to have any toy. The only toy she doesn't mind Brooks having is a tennis ball. Which is lucky, because it's Brooks' favorite. Any other toy still needs supervision to make sure that Kelly doesn't get possessive and grab it all away. Brooks is cautious about new toys, fearing that she'll not let him have it.

8 weeks- We are finally able to leave the two dogs alone together when we go out! Before we left them, we wanted to be certain they would be able to remain peaceful together when not under supervision. What a relief when this day finally came. I still wonder what they do when we're away. Today when I was returning from an outing, I sneaked up on them and peeked in the window of the door to see where they were while we were out...and there they both were, lying right in front of the door together!

Kelly and Brooks don't play together much, and they don't snuggle much, but they are learning to become friends. When I think about how far they've come, I feel really good. They are both wonderful, sweet dogs and we're so lucky they both share our home. I know it's difficult for Kelly to share, but I feel confident that they will both accept each other more and more as time goes on. We give them both individual love and attention, and take them on walks and romps together. Life is good!

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Should your dog be an Only Dog?

I wish someone could have answered this question for me years ago. Should my dog be an only dog? The question has bothered me for years, flustered me, nibbled away at my dog mama guilt. It got to me when Kelly was my One and Only, and quite frankly, the question still nips at me even after adding another dog to our family.

So I will try to answer it for you now. Should your dog be an only dog? Or, do dogs need, crave, dog companionship?

Well let me start of by saying that most of my experience is having one dog at a time. When I was a kid I grew up in a busy household with two brothers and the family dog. Later, when I got married my husband and I had one dog, a dalmatian, who was more or less our only child. (You know how it is, you may have been there too.) And after our dalmatian crossed over, we got a beautiful yellow lab.

At some point, then, it occurred to my husband and I that our aging yellow lab might love a pal to perk him up. With the empty nest settling upon us, it seemed like a perfect time for some youthful energy.

You may have guessed that the newcomer was Kelly. We adopted her when she was 1 year old.

So based on that decision, was it better for Hudson to be an only dog, or to have a dog friend?

Well, I can't tell you that he despised Kelly, and became miserable or withdrawn. And I can't tell you that he and Kelly became the best of pals. But there were times, in the evenings, when they curled up together. Kelly licked his face and ears like a nurturing mama dog. Every morning she rushed to wake him up from the spot where he slept behind the couch. And the morning after he'd crossed over, she went to wake him up and looked for him, and missed him.

Fast forward to about a month ago. Kelly had been an Only Dog for about 6 years. She got all the attention and all the food and the best seats in the house. But I found myself struggling, wondering what  she was missing? Community, if you will, with someone like herself? Romps with another four-legged friend? We didn't have play dates or a dog park to go to. Was she missing something that--no matter how hard I tried-- I couldn't give her all by myself?

So we joyfully adopted Brooks. It hasn't been an easy transition. Kelly made it clear that she is not in favor of sharing her place, her toys and especially our attention. Slowly she is adjusting to having Brooks in the house and not wanting to rip him to pieces. (haha, a little exaggeration there!) We are showing both dogs lots of love and affection, trying to set boundaries, taking them on LOTS of walks to tire them out, giving them alone time, etc. I think it's working out pretty well.

So the question remains: Should your dog be an Only Dog? 

Well, sadly, I do not have a very satisfactory answer. As you probably can imagine, I think it depends on the dog. Some dogs may thrive on socialization with others. While other dogs might be overwhelmed or distressed. It also depends upon the mix: boy/girl, young/old, active/sedate, shy/assertive. There are probably a million and one other factors.

No matter what, I just want to assure you of this. If you provide for your dog's needs, give him food and water and shelter, and additionally lots of love and attention (because who doesn't need that?!) then he will be okay with or without siblings in the home. I truly believe that.

We can't magically know what is best. Most of us are only picking up on cues and trying to guess. We are just living within our own circumstances and limitations.

So, is Kelly happier and less happy with another dog in the house? I really don't know. It's only been a month. Maybe that will become more clear later. But I do know this. I still take every opportunity to snuggle up with her, stroke her soft fur and tell her that she's a wonderful dog and that I love her very much.

And then I tell Brooks the same. And if she and Brooks can add some other dimension to each others' lives, something that I can't give by myself, then that is a bonus.
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Are Dogs Jealous?

Watching Dad leave for work.

We just adopted 11-year old Brooks. He's a sweetheart, and I can't stop patting his soft golden head, hugging his neck, planting a kiss on the side of his nose. But every time I do, I glance over to Kelly eying me with what I perceive as a mixture of contempt and hurt. What are you doing patting HIM? You used to pat only ME. You must not love me anymore.

Of course I'm projecting my own emotions onto my dog. But seriously, do dogs feel jealousy? How traumatic is this for Kelly? Do some dogs prefer to be an only dog?  I've been watching them carefully to try to determine the answers.

First, some background. Kelly was about 1 year old when we adopted her. We had a senior yellow lab at the time. Kelly immediately made it known that she was the boss, and this old guy sleeping on his pillow didn't really need any food, water, toys or affection. It was all hers. Our lab, Hudson, accepted his place with dignity. We gave him lots of food, water, toys and affection anyway. And eventually Hudson and Kelly did become friends. But whenever we gave Hudson attention, Kelly always ran over and nudged her way between us and Hudson.

It's been 6 years or so since Hudson crossed over. Years of just us and Kelly. All the food. All the toys. All the love. And now here's Brooks.

At first Kelly reacted badly. Whenever Brooks got anywhere near us, she bristled, made a loud noisy show of barking and snapping, sometimes even pushed him away with her front paws on his back. I have to tell you that these displays scared me at first, and upset me. I felt bad for both dogs--Kelly for feeling displaced. Brooks for feeling unaccepted. How could I show them that I loved them both?

I was talking to my dear friend Shawnelle one night. Shawnelle has five sons. And she told me that when a new sibling joined the family she, too, wondered how the older boys would feel. Was there enough time, enough resources, enough love to go around? Would they resent the newest? But, she said, every time the boys' lives were enriched by the newest brother. It was a wonderful thing.

The dogs enjoy walking together.

I hope this is the way it will be for Kelly and Brooks. Right now they aren't quite buddies, but after two weeks, the scuffles have dissipated. I still feed them separately. Toys are played with in separate rooms for the time being. But they can play outside together, snooze in the same room, and get along without any fighting.

If you're looking at a new dog to join the family, here are some tips to consider:

* Gender
Kelly is female, Brooks is male. Opposite gender matches usually go better.
* Personality
Kelly is bossy. Brooks is laid-back. When Kelly asserts herself, Brooks defers to her. Two dogs who both want to be the boss can make for a stressful situation.
* Energy Levels
Kelly and Brooks are both older, and have similar energy levels. One isn't constantly being bothered by an active puppy. They both sleep a lot and don't have a lot of youthful crazies.

There are many challenges to adding a new dog to the family. Our schedule has changed. We have to come up with new ways to handle new situations. Get to know what situations might trigger new behaviors. But my biggest worry, could Kelly accept a new dog into the house, has been calmed.

When I pat Brooks, I still feel like Kelly is shooting me daggers. But maybe it's just me. I go over, kneel beside her, kiss the top of her head and tell her that she's still loved. Very, very much. I have enough love to go around. And they return so much love to me.

Kelly and Brooks. Brooks and Kelly. I'm so blessed to share my life with two special dogs.

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Moses and Kelly--two dog family

Last week I told you about adopting our beautiful golden retriever Moses. What a big love! I also promised you the answer to the question: what did Kelly think of this?

The short answer: "What the woof?!"

Knowing that our 10-year-old girl is a bit snippy with other dogs and was dominant with our previous yellow lab, we tried to do everything right to ensure the right match and a happy transition for all. First we set out to look for a medium sized submissive male.


 Then we met Moses.

Okay, not medium sized.

Not only is Moses overweight, but he's just plain BIG. We haven't had him weighed yet, but I'm guessing near 100 lbs. He's tall, counter height. And his paws are ginormous!

But, I figured, goldens are gentle giants. This is still okay.

We introduced Kelly and Moses at a park, a neutral location. Kelly wagged, seemed happy, her hackles didn't rise as they do sometimes when she sees a dog she doen't like. All good signs. Moses, too, seemed just fine with the idea. The match is made!

When we got home, they both seemed content enough. Mostly they avoided each other. Kelly seemed confused but willing to play along for a while. Moses was still a little shell-shocked from his recent transitions and was pretty quiet. He loves, loves, loves people and would let you pat him all day. He just looks at you and begs for more. They circled around each other. Kelly tested him a few times and he backed away. So far, so good. They hung out, slept on the floor in the same room during the day, and all was well.

 

At night we separated them, since we still felt unsure how they would do alone together. In the morning we took them on a nice walk around the block together. The walk was stressful, with Kelly pulling ahead so that she could be leader, and Moses moving fast and pulling. She didn't even feel she could stop long enough to pee, when she started to he would catch up and she'd take off again in a hurry.

At home, the dogs seemed okay together for the first day or so. When my husband left for work, and I was home alone with them, the trouble began. Kelly tested Moses a few times and scuffles ensued. Moses barked back and reacted, but neither dog seemed especially aggressive. Just trying to establish the rules. I responded by separating them, but I have to admit each scuffle shook me up. Not that they were constant...but they worried me. The atmosphere now became very stressful. I am fully aware that dogs can pick up on this. But it's no easy job to just "turn it off."

Now Moses is feeling more confident, he is becoming bolder with Kelly. He has a big personality, full of love and demanding attention, and also full of mischief! And he plays hard! Kelly is stressed, whining and returning to me for reassurance.


I've been taking care to feed them separately, but the next day Kelly got by me and snapped and barked at Moses while he was eating his breakfast. He barked back. I separated them but then I was really anxious! This set the tone for the rest of the day, with three more scuffles breaking out. I felt that Kelly felt she had to protect me from Moses. It was really sad for me, because I didn't want to project this fearful energy, but every time they got near each other I tensed up. It ended with me keeping them separate the rest of the day, which broke my heart.


Moses is a big boy and very bold. Kelly is a little girl and very possessive. Can she accept her new brother? Can I become calm? Even if I could, are these two dogs the right match? Is it too much stress for old, spoiled, queen of the house Kelly to be asked to adapt to a busy 100 pound bossy boy? Should we feel comfortable letting the two dogs work it out together?

Next time: What did the trainer say?

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